Deeper into Two
Core motivation:
Twos
are motivated by a desire to be seen as invaluable in the eyes of the
other. The Twos early interactions communicated that they needed to be
indispensable, helpful, kind and generous in order to receive the love
that they needed. Thus, early on, Twos learned to monitor the needs of
others in order to be safe. Through the monitoring of others they could
be sure to be seen as the helpful, kind or nice child and thus would
often receive praise for their ability to anticipate the needs of those
around them and meet those needs without asking. Twos love the praise
from this kind of service and thus develop a pattern early on of
tracking the desires, needs and wants of their loved ones. By the time
the Two is an adult they become adept at reading people according to
what is needed and responding to those needs. The Two however needs to
be acknowledged for their unique ability to track the needs and wants of
others and becomes despondent of others do not recognize their helpful
nature. Thus the image of the Two becomes just as important as the
giving itself as they become less consciously aware. Nonetheless, even
healthy Twos report the need to be seen and recognized as a kind and
helpful person.
Behavior Strategies:
Twos
utilize a variety of behavioral strategies in order to have their needs
of being seen as helpful and benevolent met. As with all personality
styles Twos can range in awareness and health while enacting the
behaviors of their core motivational strategy.
Ingratiating/Compliments-
Twos
utilize compliments in order to express positive emotion toward others,
much like other people. However, because Twos tend to focus on positive
outcomes they tend to look for opportunities to make other people feel
good. Healthy Twos do this in an effort to spread some of the joy they
feel and understand that a well placed compliment can do much for
someone’s self esteem (having understood their need for praise and
compliments). However, as Twos become less self aware complimenting can
move into an ingratiating way to manipulate others into their circles.
Twos recognize early on that bolstering the ego of someone else not only
places you as “the one with the compliments” which is a form of
relational power, but also as a way to take note of how observant and
kind you are to others. The Two hopes that by complimenting you, you
will like and approve of them and thus see them as kind, which is this
image types ultimate goal. However, they also understand the power of
compliments and the ability to control others’ behaviors in order to
bend the world to their will.
Martyring-
Martyring
is more of a mental state for a Two rather than an action but
nonetheless serves the aims of the personality motivation of being seen
as a helpful/kind person. Twos begin to martyr themselves because they
are aware of their ability to track the needs of others and meet those
needs. Twos begin to feel that they are working over-time for others but
rather than risk blowing their image of being selfless and kind they
internalize their efforts and begin to help others in order to maintain
an image of the selfless helper. Much of this happens unconsciously for
the unaware Two but even the healthy Two may put aside personal needs in
order to tend to the needs of others. In the healthy range we refer to
this as altruism but it can degenerate into a compulsive need to help to
the detriment of their own needs. However, because Twos are not Nines
(who also tend to do for others selflessly) they cannot totally erase
themselves from the equation and need recognition, praise or payback for
that which they have done. For the Two, recognizing when altruism drops
into martyrdom is an important step in self-awareness.
Effusiveness/Dramatics/Histrionics-
Most
Twos have a bit of a dramatic streak to their personalities. Twos are,
by nature, effusive and demonstrative (even Twos with a One wing who are
a bit more understated). Nonetheless, there is a flair for the dramatic
which some may mistake as Four, however the Four often finds
demonstrative emotional displays to be distasteful or overwrought.
Whatever the case Twos like to tell others how they feel about them, and
for healthy Twos this includes voicing discontent. However, most Twos
like to maintain a positive attitude and like to share their love with
those around them. At times the Two may fall into patterns of boisterous
complaining, histrionic dramas or surface flattery and showmanship.
This happens because Twos are reluctant to look deeply at their own
feelings and so tend to externalize surface emotions as a way of
expressing their own heart energy. Happiness may be flighty, bubbly or
overstated and then could turn into a display of huffy irritation or
anger over something minor or trivial. We must remember Twos have a
connection to Four, and this connection is often expressed in their
flair for the dramatic. It’s important for Twos, and those close to Twos
to remember that underneath dramatic displays there are probably deeper
more subtle or painful emotions that may need to be expressed.
Chutzpah/Will-
Twos
are one of the more willful types on the Enneagram. Twos, because of
their ability to read and monitor the needs of others so well, take
pride (this types primary vice) in their keen emotional intelligence.
Thus the Two may develop a kind of narcissism about being able to
manipulate situations based on their ability to know what people want
and need. This ability can be a huge asset when something needs to get
done and the person or situation needs a bit of finesse (something
Sevens are very good at as well) however the Two can move to their
connection to Eight and become quite demanding and blunt in their belief
that they know what is best. Twos can become so emotionally identified
with others that they begin to truly believe that they know what people
need and will do whatever it takes to make sure those people get
whatever that is (even if the person themselves protests). The chutzpah
of the healthy Two can be a wonderful tool in “making things happen” and
can look just as driven as a Three or as authoritative as an Eight.
However, Twos pride about their own helpfulness and emotional
intelligence can degenerate into a forceful, narcissism about what
others need and may undermine or belittle others in the quest to make
sure that their will is done. Two’s archetypal role as the Mother can
turn into the Destroyer of Life and believes that since they are
responsible for people’s security and happiness they have the power to
take it away (a representation of their connection to the low side of
Type Eight).
