Instincts and The Enneagram

The richness of the Enneagram is never lacking. The system is so dynamic and complex that once we understand the basic aspects of the system we are a step closer to understanding the complex human personality.

The instinctual subtypes (or instinctual variants) are such a  major aspect of The Enneagram they deserve a solid understanding as it strongly influences the type in a way that can drastically change the presentation of a particular style.

The instinctual subtypes can be understood as the dominant arena of life in which we focus our personality styles. They are the primal hard-wiring that can be seen as a sort of tribal, anthropological energy supporting the human ego. It seems that before we developed a complex personality structure we developed our instinctual styles. These are underlying coping strategies that allowed for tribal cultures to survive in which each individual was striving to maintain the equilibrium of the tribal society in a particular way so that overall human survival was ensured.

We access all three instinctual arenas (Social, Self Preservation, and Intimate/Sexual) but one instinctual arena will be dominant for us. It also appears that various points in one's life certain instinctual arenas will come more to the forefront than others (more on this later). However, for most people, one instinct, or sometimes two, will be predominant throughout the bulk of one's life.

The instinct can be understood as our id impulses (to use Freudian language)...the primal focus which we are monitoring at all times (whether consciously or unconsciously). The instinct for some can be a stronger drive than the personality type itself, so understanding the instincts is paramount to learning how to recognize types and the drives of the human being.

Looking at the instincts in a dynamic and organic way can help to identify the dominant instinct. Some teachers look at it almost like a three layered cake in which the most dominant instinct is on top, and the least dominant on the bottom. This is helpful but doesn't give an adequate image of the bleed-over you can have from the instincts mingling with one another. However, this provides a good image of what the instinctual drives might look like in an individual.

To utilize a self-pres metaphor, the first layer of the cake would likely be a dark chocolate as it so strongly influences the overall flavor of the person that you taste (and see) it most clearly, whereas the middle instinct may be a strawberry while the bottom layer of vanilla is the least strong but nonetheless still flavors the overall cake. The extent to which each layer is present seems to be a combination of both DNA and biological determinants as well as environmental considerations. For example a social subtype with a predominately self preservation family of origin will manifest more self-pres characteristics than a social subtype with a sexual/intimate family of origin.

Much of the information to follow is a conglomeration of all of the major teachers in the Enneagram community such as Don Riso and Russ Hudson, Helen Palmer, Claudio Naranjo, Tom Condon and David and Katherine Fauvre, as well as our own observations about the instinctual subtypes and their various foci and presentation.

The Three Instincts

Self Preservation Subtype:

Self preservation subtypes are focused on issues of the self and survival. This includes but is not limited to:

Health
Weight
Food
Money
Insurance
Comfort
Decor
Disease
Death
Strength
Vitality
Nutrition
Safety and Security
The Environment
Family/Genealogy

The Self Preservation subtype is concerned about matters of the self and their security. They often pay great attention to time, mortality and the preservation of physical satisfactory survival. Self preservation types may forgo glamor or social connection for physical comfort, security and planning for the future, and the survival of the family unit and themselves. The extent to which the self preservation element is present will be the extent to which anxiety may be present.

Self preservation types often experience anxiety around the above mentioned issues which can make them seem like a head type because of the need to plan and adequately predict unforeseen danger or possibly breaches in security. In addition, the comfort seeking element to self pres types can cause them to appear like gut types because of their desire to avoid too much complication or "fuss". However, ironically the self preservation type can be incredibly "fussy"...focus on things being just so, food sensitivities, focus on the decor of an environment or the texture of clothing or fabrics can create a neurotic fixation on things being "just right".


Of course the primary Enneagram type will influence to what extent this is played out. For example, a self-pres One will be more persnickety and focused on the particulars than a self-pres Nine but both types will be focused on their comfort, security and survival. I know a self preservation Eight who has a bit of the princess and the Pea syndrome, refusing to sleep on most mattresses because they simply don't feel right. This runs in opposition to the tough, resilient Eight style that can seemingly take on anything, but the self preservation element makes them focused on things being "just so".

Self preservation types tend to be more reserved in presentation and tend to appear more contained, quiet or conservative energetically. They also tend to have a more matter-of-fact way of speaking, preferring to leave excess conversational fluff out of the equation. In this way they can seem cold to others or removed and aloof (even if they are extroverted types such as 7s or 8s).

There is a tendency to shore up resources and possibly a strong sense of being frugal or sometimes even downright cheap. This is because resources must be properly maintained to ensure survival for themselves and those within their sphere.



Self pres types are grounded, earthy, self-contained and health conscious (or health irreverent). They may seem crusty and impersonal or warm and nurturing.

Social Subtype:

Social subtypes are focused on issues of the group, cooperation and shared values. This includes:

Friendship
Politics
Rules
Protocols
Standards
Social Values
Mores
Manners
Guidelines
Gossip
Inclusion/Exclusion
Appropriate/Inappropriate
Fame or Notoriety
Influence
Civic Engagement
Clubs
Culture

The social subtypes is the instinct which controls the human beings' inclination toward group activity. Issues such as what the group thinks or believes come to the forefront and influence the decisions and attitudes of the social subtype (even if they rebel against it). The social subtype primarily concerns themselves with how to go about in the world and make and maintain social connections. This is the type that is most likely to involve themselves in civic engagement, politics, or the pursuit of notoriety of fame. The focus is on making a valued contribution and being recognized for that contribution by their society or group. "Group" means many things to many people, but for the purposes of this discussion a "group" consists of 3 or more individuals. Groups can be as centralizes as a few select friends or clique or a strong identification with being from a country, state or particular culture. Whatever the case, when we move out of the individualized needs or comfort needs of self preservation and into the community needs of the social subtype we find someone who is often monitoring the social needs of the group and how to best meet the needs of the group. This does not mean that they deny their own self preservation concerns but the primary instinct shows us that which we are always consciously (and often unconsciously) monitoring. The social subtype person may say "but I don't like groups...." and this may be true, but there is always some finger on the pulse of what the group or community expects or demands of them, or a particular awareness of what the group needs.

Many instinctual subtypes may manifest their instinct in an "anti" way; a method of pushing against the dominant instinct that may appear adverse to the instinctual concerns. In this way the social subtype may look "anti-social". We do not mean this as in the way we use it in common colloquial language of breaking laws and having complete irreverence for all social convention (although it can manifest this way), but rather as a way of resisting or going against the dominant social paradigm and being a social rebel (we see this frequently with 4s, 6s and 8s who have a self perception of being someone "outside" the group) but to the extent to which they are monitoring what the group does and doesn't do is the extent to which they are still tied to that group or community.

Social subtypes often find they are naturally political (or apolitical) and know how to read the group and the groups' needs and respond to that depending upon their primary Enneagram style. For example the social Six may be most plugged into the the overall needs of the group in terms of safety and security (so can look self preservation at times), but they are concerned with the rules, protocol, and appropriate way to go about the world so as to avoid deviation (a major fear of 6s) or danger. This is your archetypal government worker who may dutifully work for the system but complain about or criticize the system and its rules in the company of trusted intimates. Or the quintessential sorority girl or fraternity boy who upholds the shared values of the organization and banding together to create a sense of common identity. Conversely there is the counter-culture rebel, or the trendy hipster, either way it's a focus on communal trends.


Social subtypes often have a dispersed energy that can make them adept at interacting with others quickly to get the overview of a situation (or conversely feel extremely uncomfortable in groups if they are withdrawn types such as 4s, 5s and 9s). Social subtypes enjoy catching up with people but may not want to become embroiled in long deep conversations that take them away from the group at large. Their energy is derived from the community interaction, even if that means actively avoiding it.

Social subtypes are often friendly, accommodating and sociable. They may be provocative, rabble-rousing and anti-social as well.

Sexual/Intimate Subtype:

The Sexual subtype is focused primarily on pair bonding and the development and maintenece of the intimiate relationships in their lives. The foci of the sexual subtype includes:

Attractiveness
Intimacy
Intensity
Connection
Posessiveness
Glamour
Eye Contact
Relationship
Desire
Sex (or abstaining from sex)
Excitement
Beauty
Mating

Sexual subtypes are not to be confused with being sexy, which is a common reason for many people misidentifying themselves as sexual subtypes, which is why we sometimes refer to them as "intimate subtypes." People with this instinctual focus are primarily concerned with their connection with a desired other. They are monitoring the depth and level of connection with their intimate partner. The focus is on the dyad as opposed to the group or the self. This dyad can be (and often is) the intimate love relationship but it can be a relationship with a child, best friend, or even spiritual concept.



Whatever the case, there is a need to be in deep union with that which they are "in relationship with". Therefore sexual subtypes are often said to have an intensity, which can be seen in the eyes. There is a desire to stay connected to those they are interacting with so may stay glued through the eyes during conversation, in an effort to maintain the depth of this connection.


Sexual subtypes are monitoring the level at which they are connected or tied to those in their lives and feel unsafe or uncomfortable if they are not as deeply connected with those around them as they believe they should be. Along with this there is an unconscious need to be ready for the possibility of partnership at any time, so there is a focus on attractiveness and beauty or strength as these are the biological ways in which human beings attract mates. Sexual subtypes are prone to create a "cult of two" if they are in relationship together and often feel a strong desire to isolate to the exclusion of the rest of the world (which can be mitigated by the dominant Enneagram style or the secondary instinctual subtype).


There is often an ideal relationship and union and safety comes from the feeling of connection with that ideal relationship. Many sexual subtypes identify with Type Four because there is a tendency to feel longing for that special person or relationship and often a creative focus that accompanies the Sexual subtype. Therefore the when the sexual subtype and Four come together it creates a doubly intense, almost stereotypical expression of what one thinks of when we think of Type Four.

Sexual subtypes are passionate, intense, and magnetic but can also be erratic, possessive and controlling of their partners. They may seem engaging and playful or moody and dramatic.

Life Phase and Instincts

We all move through these instincts at various points in our lives. When we are ill, we are all in the self preservation instinct, because we are likely tending to our bodies, or when we are eating or cooking we are attending to our self preservation needs. Conversely when we interact in a group we are in our social instinct, and when we are looking for a mate or bonding deeply with another person we are in our sexual instinct. However, to the extent to which we are monitoring these concerns consciously or unconsciously all the time that is likely our dominant instinctual subtype.

Katherine and David Fauvre illuminate that at various life phases one instinct may be more dominant than others. For example the sexual instinct often awakens for everyone in adolescence or when we fall in love for the first time, whereas later life tends to highlight self preservation issues because of the various health issues that begin to arise for most human beings. Our social instinct may flare up in early adulthood (college years) and adolescence as the peer group and the norms of that group become important.

Instinct and Relationship

While many types can work well together in relationship we've found that when two instincts are in agreement there tends to be a common meeting ground for the two individuals that can transcend type. This is likely due to the fact that these primal drives, if in tandem, can create shared ideals and drives that can be quite complimentary and potentially reduce conflict. Conversely when the drives are out of agreement there may be a in instinctual pull that can become difficult to overcome for some. For example a social subtype may want to draw the sexual subtype out into their world or their group, however the sexual subtype may feel that this group activity is not leaving enough time for intimacy or bonding. Both types are monitoring their primordial impulse and thus must learn how to compromise and recognize the instinct of the other.

However when two people have the same instinct it can also create blind spots within the relationship that can be difficult to traverse. For example two self preservation types in a relationship can create a blind spot in the social arena in which there is great attention to resources, health and family structure to the exclusion of developing necessary social connections or involvement with others. Similarly there can be a gap in the development of real intimate bonding via the sexual instinct.

TV Show: Flipping Out (Jeff Lewis)

 If you've ever known a perfectionist then read on, it may shed some light on their behavior and exacting standards.

Jeff Lewis's outrageous antics on the hit Bravo show Flipping Out gives us an entertaining opportunity to see someone's Enneagram style at work. Let's explore the ways in which Jeff exhibits the characteristics of the One and some of the issues which are common to many Ones.

Jeff Lewis is a great example of a One with a Two wing (1w2).

"The 1w2 tends to be more outgoing, outspoken, and people oriented than the 1w9. He's also more grounded, more apt to voice his opinions, and more in the grip of the One-ish tendency to get tied in knots over wanting to speak out against something he doesn't like versus the need to solidly justify his critiques. "-Susan Rhodes, The Positive Enneagram

Although Jeff exhibits the sort of detachment and minimalist qualities of the 1w9 as well, particularly in his aesthetic tastes for minimalist/modern decor, he primarily exhibits the expressiveness and emotionally demonstrativeness of the Two style in conjunction with the perfectionism of his core One personality style.

One's want to strive for perfection and improvement of both their environment and themselves. Ones harbor a gut centered certainty of how the world should be and how people should behave within that world. This is the Reformer archetype who feels a deep sense of right and wrong, and finds that their gut instinct of ethics, appropriateness, and perfection drive every action, but can alternately be exhausting and creating a relentless critical voice.

In the television show Jeff, who is building a real estate empire as an interior designer, house flipper and real estate consultant, is frequently faced with what he sees as the incompetence of other people. Ones are notorious for believing (either secretly or quite boisterously) that others do not "have it together" and are inefficient, impractical and lazy. Unaware Ones may push others to strive to meet their exacting and perfectionistic standards, which are by very nature, impossible to meet thus feeding their belief that things must constantly be improved upon and it is their job to make sure that this happens.

Obsessive Compulsiveness, Anger and Anti-emotionalism:

Obsessive Compulsiveness


The show comedically portrays Jeff's Obsessive Compulsive Personality as well as his Obsessive Compulsive tendencies. He is chronically punctual, obsessively organized, and requires that his house be kept in a state of pristine, clutter-free perfection by his faithful type Nine (The Peacemaker) housekeeper Zoila. Zoila balances Jeff's high-strung, tightly wound personality style with her relatively easy going, almost door-mat like ability to ignore Jeff's antics. Jeff seems to surround himself with mostly Nine employees. This is likely because on some level he recognizes their ability to remain relatively calm in the face of his "freak outs".

Jeff's need to keep his environment clear of clutter, dust, and dirt and his self professed germophobia (along with a bevvy of other phobias) is not uncommon for the often cleanliness obsessed One, who can see the environment around them as a direct reflection of an inner sense of self. If the house is dirty, he is dirty, which is unacceptable. Jeff's phobias could be part and parcel to the Six in his tritype.(Remember our tritype espouses that we have one type in each center that we utilize that supports our dominant Enneagram type).

The Six in his tritype exacerbates the appearance of phobias. Jeff is likely the 164 tritype which heightens his emotional reactivity (both Fours and Sixes are reactive types) and creates a more persnickety personality style. As a One, Jeff channels his persnickety nature into keeping extreme order, efficiency and practicality in his work and home life. However, with the Four thrown in he ends up behaving a bit like a frustrated diva when things aren't done to his specifications. Jeff's relationship with housekeeper Zoila is mutli-layered. While he does want her to "clean a mean house" he also relies on her for companionship due to the loss of his mother as a child. Zoila serves not only as housekeeper but also surrogate mother. Despite his obvious attachment to Zoila his lack of sentimentality, exacting standards and reluctance to praise can take its toll on even an enduring Nine:





Anger:

In the following clip you can see Jeff "flip out" on his assistant Sarah (a somewhat ditsy, but kind Nine). His rant is characteristic of an unaware One who becomes incensed at what he believes to be the irresponsibility of others. Notice the admonishing like quality, as though he is an angry parent speaking to a child:



The interesting thing about Jeff Lewis' outburst is that he was completely unaware of the inappropriateness of his admonishment until it was brought to his attention by his Nine assistant Jenny, who frequently acts as an equalizer for Jeff (a role Nines . The One is often blind to their own irritation, anger and indignation until they explode in a fit of rage as he did in the preceding clip. He mentions that he has been "keeping it in" which is not uncommon for this type as repression and reaction formation (making negative emotions into something more positive) are substituted for genuine expression of anger in an appropriate and reasonable way. All efforts to be "reasonable" or "practical" are blown away due to the tendency to repress. The gut types (8,9,1) all have problems with repression and anger. The One controls the anger in order to be appropriate and correct until the bottom can no longer hold, whereas the Eight over-expresses anger and the Nine overly-represses anger.

Anti-Sentimentality:

Jeff's irritation and intolerance of emotionality and sentimentality are not uncommon with the rationally minded Ones. Ones can often seem like Fives in their attachment to rationality and logic. This is due to the Ones value of being practical and even minded. Ones have a connection to Four (which is an emotionally labile style) but they often develop a negative identification with their connection to Four. The fear is that if they give into their emotionality and negative feelings they will be imperfect, wrong, or be rendered ineffectual, lazy and illogical. Despite this fear, many Ones will harbor secret moodiness or melancholy that they nurse when alone. There can be an identification with suffering or pain but this is often embraced only in the safety of their solitude (if they even allow that). The pressure of perfecting themselves and/or the world can become like a heavy weight on their psyche.

As a house flipper Jeff often deals with clients who want to maintain aspects of their homes or spaces due to a sentimental attachment. Jeff is perplexed by this emotional attachment as he has siphoned off his own emotionality and therefore cannot understand why some of his clients may be attached to a couch or a child's toy. His desire to maintain order, cleanliness and perfection manifests as a desire to eliminate excess clutter or mess (which in Jeff's mind includes old couches, children's toys or other sentimental items of significance).

Here's Jeff exhibiting some of his anti-emotionality:

Fault-finding, Stiffness and Boundaries/Appropriateness

Fault Finding:

Jeff is fixated on right and wrong, and feels compelled to force his employees to admit when they have done something wrong. His crusade against "wrong" manifests in his instinctual arena (as it will for most people). For example, the social One will manifest their focus on correctness and appropriateness in the arena of social conduct (i.e., manners, politics, religion, etc-think Miss Manners or Hillary Clinton both Social Ones), whereas the sexual subtype of One will manifest perfectionism in the arena of their intimate relationships or their own attractiveness. Jeff is a self preservation subtype One.

By nature all self preservation subtypes are focused on the home, health, security, food and issues of the self and survival. Jeff's career has a very self preservation focus (home renovation, real estate, interior design) and when his employees make mistakes it is a strong trigger which compels him to investigate this wrongness and force the other to identify or admit their mistakes because a mistake at work can feel like an incredible threat to the self preservation One and will ignite high anxiety when it comes to the financial well being and the fluidity and management of their business and assets.

Tom Condon writes about the Self Preservation One:

"[They are] characterized by a tendency toward worry and negative anticipation, especially as it relates to material well-being. Can seem a little like Sixes. they fret about how to avoid making mistakes that could jeopardize survival. Petty, finicky quality, could seem "penny-wise and pound foolish".  As a parent or friend they might be critical and nurturing by turns, wanting to protect you from the same negative consequences they worry about." -Tom Condon, Enneagram and Movie Guide.


Predictably Jeff is not willing to admit his mistakes while bullying others to "own up to their mistakes". His own deep seeded fear of making a mistake causes him to zero in on it in other people and aggressively ferret it out to help qwell his own anxiety. The Six in his tritype exacerbates this investigative, persecuting and detective like quality as he can easily become obsessive about finding mistakes and seems to even delight in pointing them out. In the following clip you can see Jeff repeatedly making mention of mistakes. His lexical usage is very indicative of his One style, as well the frequent use of words like; "wrong", "unacceptable", "incorrect", "incompetent" and "mistake". We all use these words, but when it shows up in the everyday language of an individual we can bet that they have some sort of One component to their personality:



Here's another example:




Stiffness and irritability:

Jeff's body language is a bit stilted and stiff. This is not uncommon with some Ones as they tend to hold tension in the body as a physical manifestation of the tension they are holding emotionally. The gut types tend to manifest somatic symptoms more readily than some of the other types, and with Ones there is a tendency toward stiffness and if unchecked can branch into issues with neck and shoulder pain as well as headaches (which a preponderance of Ones report). Many Ones will store tension in the head/neck area as a literal physical manifestation of being "upright". The posture is kept straight as a somatic response to the desire to be upstanding. The irritability and constant tension is held in the body.

Boundaries/Appropriateness:

Ironically Jeff's obsessive compulsiveness and perfectionism do not extend to his behavior toward others. Jeff is often crossing boundaries with clients and coworkers. He seems to be unaware of his own assertiveness to some extent and has a tendency to blurt inappropriate or unprofessional comments, only to be somewhat embarrassed after it has slipped out of is mouth. Many extroverted individuals have a tendency to blurt, so this is a good indication of Jeff's extroversion. However this seems to contradict the Ones habit of being restrained and appropriate. It could be that his value of honesty causes him difficulty in filtering his opinions even when appropriate.

Despite Jeff's more difficult character traits he often maintains a relatively good sense of humor (except about himself). He surrounds himself with mostly Nines who understand his somewhat dark and sardonic sense of humor. Jeff even has a bit of a sadistic streak which he shows with intimates like Jenny and Zoila. Here he is having some sadistic fun with Jenny:




All in all Jeff has good intentions and appears to deeply care about his professional and personal relationships. He is passionate about his work and is truly committed to doing his best in all of his endeavors. His tendency to "flip out" comes from his own core fear of making a mistake and being wrong. His internal and external perfectionism causes him to exact his standards on his world, but it's important to remember with any One that to the extent they are delivering criticism to others is the extent that they are criticizing themselves.

Jeff Lewis is the 146 tritype which has been deemed "The Philosopher" by Katherine Fauvre, which at first glance may seem odd but when glancing at the core issues and blindspot of this tritype it fits Jeff quite nicely. It may be said that Jeff's philosophy is centered around the belief that people should be honest, hard-working, tasteful and well...strive for perfection.

The following was excerpted from Katherine Fauvre's seminal work on tritype:

146: The Philosopher

Archetype: They are "diligent, intuitive, and inquisitive. You want to be ethical, original and certain. Morally focused, you have strong emotions and are inclined to voice your feelings and intuitions. You care deeply and want to help others improve their lives and the expectations they have of themselves."

Core Triggers: Feeling wrong, inadequate and/or uncertain.

Core Fears: The core fears are of being wrong, bad, evil, angry, inappropriate, unqualified, corruptible, nonredeemable, condemned, being inadequate, emotionally cut off, mundane, ordinary, commonplace, being abandoned, fear itself, danger, being alone, cowardice, submitting, and deviance, uncertainty, targeted, and chaos.

Blind Spot: The blind spot is that they can be so identified with what they perceive is the morally correct way of being that they can come across as overly prudish, rigid and inflexible. When they feel insecure, they can be overly critical of themselves and others and appear to be a snob.

Growing Edge: The growing edge is to recognize that authenticity is not cultivated. Their inclination is to create a sense of self around an identity of being informed and educated. Sophistry is a mimic of being. True awareness comes from being present to the moment rather than developing an image of being ‘in the know’.

Final Weigh in:
Jeff Lewis 1w2 (146 tritype) Self Preservation subtype

The Value of the Enneagram

"Don't Put Me in a Box":

One of the main questions that I tend to get about the Enneagram, is in regards to the value in "personality typing" systems like the Enneagram. There is a conception amongst some people that personality typing is limiting, as they perceive that it creates a schema that "puts people into boxes". Indeed the Enneagram is categorical and tends to put people in categories, however in my opinion, this is an inherently human tendency and has a practical usefulness in understanding the world.

Labeling is only necessary in as much as the label itself provides a signpost for understanding our surroundings and the people within it. It is the value judgment of labels that can become a problem. Just as a tree is no better than a rock, a Type Two is no better than the Type Seven. Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now, states that the identification with the labels of the world is what creates suffering, and because we cannot see beyond our labels, we therefore lose the ability fully experience the present moment without constant judgment. We become slaves to these labels and the judgments that they imply. This seems to be true, however without the signposts of the world, the human brain (which needs some form of cognitive organization), would have a more difficult time finding solid footing and things would seem chaotic. The Enneagram model is merely another signpost, or tool, that can be used to understand our fellow human beings. The Enneagram, if worked with on a compassionate and dynamic level, can help us to transcend the limiting boxes that we are already in, unlock our own potential, and understand and relate to the essence in others.

An Invisible Tribe:

It appears through our research, that the nine personality styles have probably been in existence all along throughout our human history. To paraphrase Enneagram teacher David Fauvre, it is as though there are nine invisible tribes throughout the world and most people are unaware that they exist, but all people belong to one of these tribes, speaking the same language and expressing the same fundamental experiences. If we can find our tribe (or type) we can begin to feel a sense of familiarity in finding ourselves and settle into the understanding that others share some fundamental characteristics with us.

We can see the types clearly working, unbeknownst to most people, through language use, facial expressions, conflict and relationship styles, fears, desires, and strengths and weaknesses. Research is even being done now to show that these individual "personality tribes" occur throughout the world.  The realization of these tribes loosens the grip of loneliness that people tend to experience when thinking that nobody understands them. The Enneagram does not seek to eliminate the inherent individuality of each person, but rather gives us a starting place to understand others. We seem to already be in these "ego boxes" and our functioning within them, and without awareness, tends to create interpersonal and psychological suffering.  This suffering can be transcended if we can learn to observe and understand our limiting ego-patterns.

The Enneagram provides us a model with which to categorize these patterns, and in turn this can help to ease our suffering. Whether it is that nagging problem we have of interrupting other people, or a deep seeded dissatisfaction with our lives, the Enneagram is a useful and remarkably elegant tool in beginning to understand ourselves and our fellow human beings. In many spiritual and religious traditions, this process of ego identification is referred to as naming the demon. If we name the demon we can have control over it. However, it is important in our modern understanding not to completely demonize the ego. Our egos are necessary to some extent. The ego can help us function in the day to day world and can help us to achieve practical results. It is when we cannot disengage our ego/personality that it can become a problem. Many of us are unaware that we are working against ourselves, and find ourselves in a state of frustration as we are continually thwarted in finding happiness or achieving our life goals. The ego should be a bit like a jacket that we can take off when we no longer need it, but one that can help to protect us when necessary.

Soul Desire and Ego Desire:

Each type has a characteristic ego desire and soul desire depending upon their personality style. The soul desire is the integral part of the self that wants to be in touch with one's highest purpose. This is the desire which feeds your spiritual center and provides you with a contentedness, as well as a sense of fulfillment that is pervasive and permanent. The soul desire of all human beings is to just be and to eliminate suffering. Ego desire is the part of the self which wants to differentiate itself from others.  The ego desire is the part of us that keeps striving for happiness. Ego desire believes that we must seek fulfillment in the physical world in order to be whole. The ego is not entirely wrong in that we are physical beings living on the Earth and we have specific needs, weaknesses, strengths and wishes.

For example:

The Three is the Achiever archetype. Threes fear being worthless, and their basic personality desire is to be valuable and worthwhile. They are driven to succeed in the world, and strive for symbols of success in their respective social spheres in order to be seen as valuable. Three's can have problems with narcissism and deceit as they begin to believe that their accomplishments are their true self.

Soul Desire: To be valued for the true authentic self.
Ego Desire: To be valued for accomplishments and success in the world.

Enneagram Institute 2010/Enneagram of Essential Qualities

The Story of "Donald":

Working with this example we can imagine a man, "Donald." Donald has an "Achiever" personality style. Donald's ego desires success and personal actualization that can be seen and admired by the world around him. However, at some point Donald begins to value his achievements over his authentic feelings and desires, and he begins to shelf those in order to achieve results in his career and/or love life. Donald has slowly become unaware that his drive for success has begun to undermine his ultimate desire, which is to be valued for who he is. By shelving his authentic self in favor of a more socially desirable self image, Donald has begun to work against his soul's real longing, which is to be seen for who he truly is. He has replaced true self-worth with achievement and measures of social success. He has to keep striving in order to maintain this false sense of self because nothing is ever enough. So, to feed his hungry unidentified ego, Donald begins lying about his achievements, and gets more and more angry when people don't recognize his successful stature in the environment. Donald buys a bigger house, a nicer car, and the nicest clothes he can afford. He gets the biggest promotion at his corporate job, and has the most attractive and well dressed family. However, Donald begins to realize that people seem to be less and less impressed by his external efforts (unless they too are caught in the illusion of these achievements). This is because Donald has abandoned authenticity for image, and other people sense it. They value him less, because now Donald seems "fake", "superficial", or "into himself". Donald's ego now works against him, becomes a demon, and he is a slave to its whims.

Now imagine that Donald has found the Enneagram.

Imagine Donald maintained the conscious thought somewhere in the back of his mind that he has the tendency to seek success as a means of being valued in the world. Imagine that Donald could have kept this notion in the back of his mind every time he inflated himself, steamrolled someone in order to gain reward, bought a new house, car, or outfit in order to "look the part", or embellished his achievements in order to feel worthy. This doesn't mean Donald wouldn't still give into his ego desires, nor does it mean that his ego desires are necessarily bad or wrong. Donald can still enjoy his promotion, car, and home, and can still be proud of his achievements because he truly is a hard worker and that is his gift. But Donald would now realize that these things are not him. The Enneagram provided Donald with an awareness of his patterns and ego-traps. The Enneagram then becomes the entryway into reaching his ultimate desire which is to be valuable. Donald can, through using the Enneagram, learn that his true value comes from being authentic to his feelings, desires, and impulses and not deferring to what is seen as successful. The goal for Donald could be to sync up his ego desires with his soul desires and to ultimately realize that his ego desire is an illusion. It is likely that Donald would get more of his ego desires met if he stayed focused on feeding his soul.

Three "No-No's" of The Enneagram:

Discrimination using the Enneagram: So with all of the value of the Enneagram there are a few ways that the Enneagram system can be used that are destructive. When we begin to utilize the Enneagram to place absolutes on another human being, we have moved into dogma. For example saying "You're a Six so you are ALWAYS distrustful of people, therefore I don't like Sixes." Using the Enneagram in this way creates anger, limitation, and doesn't allow for the exploration of the self by ascribing a hard and fast rule to a type.

Inflexible Stigmatizing: Typing other people without allowing for those typings to change. It can be awfully fun once we start using the Enneagram, and by "personality typing" our tendency can be to say "oh, he's a type ____" and then ignore any new information that comes in that could possibly change our typing. The types are merely signposts, and once we see a new sign we should have the flexibility to adjust that typing.


Enneagram as an Excuse: Using the Enneagram as an excuse. There is a tendency, once we find our type, to say something like "I'm a Four, so I can't possibly work in a normal job...because I think I'm special" or "I'm an Eight so of course I'm going to scream at you when I get mad!" The Enneagram is not an excuse to engage in bad behavior. It should wake you up to your limiting behaviors/thoughts/feelings, but will never give you the license to treat others disrespectfully or an excuse not to develop yourself.

All of these thoughts will be expanded upon in later blog entries, particularly the notion of ego desires and soul desires.

The Enneagram is merely a tool, and may not be for everyone. However, it can be a wonderful entryway into discovering yourself and those in your life.

Greatest Blessings,
Sterlin Mosley
Insightful Innovations

Enneagram Tritype

Some may not be familiar with the notion of tritype. The term "tritype" was coined by enneagram research team Katherine and David Fauvre who took the original idea of Oscar Ichazo, who previously postulated that individuals used 3 fixations (two in conjunction with the dominant type) but didn't really expand much past that original hypothesis. However as the Fauvre's differentiated their research from that of Ichazo they renamed it as "tritype" to distinguish their findings from that of the original Arican concept. Tritype states that we posses one type in each center. One of those types is our dominant type, while the other two are employed as necessary when the strategies or defenses of our dominant type are no longer effective.

What the Fauvre's say about tritype: http://enneagram.net/tritype.html

What good does this do me?

Some take issue with the notion of tritype because they find that it complicates the purity of one's enneagram type and takes focus away from the main type issues. I disagree. I do believe that one should work primarily on their primary type issues (especially when discovering the system), but for some who have done a good deal of self work, like myself, I ran out of ways to approach growth. There were some issues that weren't covered by my main type, wings, or arrow connections, I became stuck. In many respects my 4,5 and 3 issues have been worked to death. Since the enneagram is a trialectic system (a system of 3s) the notion of having a type in each center only makes sense mathematically and can aid one in their spiritual or psychological growth. Some conceptualize the enneagram as a process, in which we all move around the whole enneagram througout our lives. Tritype is another way to approach all of the types and help better to explain how one might move around the whole circle.

I think of it this way: just because we are a head type doesn't mean we don't utilize the gut and heart centers. Tritype seeks to explain movement to these other centers that are not as organic as arrow connections and from my experience helps people to identify their primary type much easier. For example how does a 7 move to the heart center? They naturally connect to 5 (head) and 1 (gut) but have no access to the heart center either through wings or arrows. Surely they use the heart center, and use it in a specific way (via types 2,3 or 4).

Another example; if someone is a 3, they may have a tritype of 3-5-9. This means that once the 3 has exhausted their main type strategies (image maintenance, solution orientation, efficiency, self promotion, etc) they will move to the head center and utilize the strategies of the 5 (cerebral reflection, theorizing, withdrawal, and avarice, etc.) in order to gain the results they need. If 5 strategies don't work they may move to the strategies of the 9 (placating, merging, passive aggression, etc). It has been my experience that the tritype seems to play itself out most obviously in relationship with others.

In our interpersonal relationships (whether they be work relationships or personal relationships) we tend to utilize our egos more readily. We may cycle through our tritype in order to yield a specific result, or rather to incite a specific result in others. More research is necessary to determine when people actually employ their tritype strategies.

I find tritype a useful construct in understanding and expanding the dynamism of the enneagram. I think some people are more comfortable with the system as a closed; main type, lines of connection, wings, subtype that's it. However, if you believe the enneagram really is a dynamic system and that it is a trialectic system than entertaining the notion of tritype shouldn't be too threatening. It adds even more color to individuals and helps to explain differences of people of the same type, wing and instinctual stack, while still maintaining the laws of the enneagram (the continuity of the triads and trialectic movement).

Whatever the case, recognizing how and when you employ the tritype strategies can be useful in understanding how you relate to the world in addition to the basic enneagram type. I finally understand why I seem less tolerant of negativity in other people than other 4s and my issues with boredom and incompletion when I discovered the 7 in my tritype and now I have a conceptual framework for understanding how to approach those issues.

Another way of looking at it...

Another way I like to conceptualize tritype it is to think about the energy of the center and how we embody the energy of that specific center. So asking yourself when you feel the emotional energy of the heart triad how that manifests. If you had 4 in the tritype you might experience shame, grief, feel great sadness, enjoy melancholic reverie of the past, or feel the need to differentiate yourself emotionally from others. If one had 3 in the tritype they may experience the shame/grief issues of the triad as a need to mask or adapt your feelings to be more acceptable and reflect positively on you, and not want to wallow or reflect to heavily to avoid being unproductive. The anger of the gut center may be experienced in an explosive 8ish way, in which you may have a very strong temper that has a formidable and blustery quality or conversely experience the anger like that of a 1 and seethe and seek to reform that which angers you. In other words you may be irritable and testy (1) as opposed to forceful and blunt (8).

I think the extent to which  you use your tritype is a highly personal issue. Some may bounce back and forth between the first two types in the tritype others may require a good deal of stress to start galvanizing those other types into action.
It's important to remember that one type is in charge and remains in charge, so whether or not you move to another type in your tritype you will not live there for too long because we all return to our default primary type. I do believe that there is a general overlay of the tritype types in an individuals personality map, 2's with 5 in their tritype configuration are visibly more contained and cerebral than 2's with 7 in the tritype, which tends to support the joyful, boyant quality one might expect with 2s. There also seem to be some rules with what tritype types show up with what type and wing. For example, Katherine Fauvre has shared that it is more common for 4w3 to have 7 in their tritype than perhaps a 4w5, but these rules are not hard and fast as I myself am an exception, this can cause some difficulty in pinpointing the right tritype (it took me almost a year to finally land on the right combination). However, the Enneacards test on enneagram.net is the only test available that assists in pinpointing tritype.

Line of connection, wing, or tritype?

There's some confusion about whether a tritype type is just a line or connection or a wing. I know that the Fauvre's state that it has more to do with the degree to which that type shows up in your personality. For example, if you are a 4 with a 5 wing, you may or may not have 5 in your tritype. Katherine Fauvre states that those 4w5s with 5 in their tritype will have a exacerbated 5 issues and will generally feel more 5ish than other 4w5 that might have 7 or 6 in their tritypes.

For example I have 7 in my tritype but have a 5 wing. For me, understanding the 7 in my tritype helped to explain a lot of tendencies that don't fit with 4 (or my lines of connections or wings). I have a lot of 7ish traits that cannot be explained simply through my main types movement through the system. However, I originally believed I had 5 in my tritype due to a 5 wing. Upon meeting more 4w5 with 5 in their tritype I saw the compounded 5ishness that played out in their general demeanor and couldn't figure out what the difference was. I present a little more optimistic, sociable (I am social first so that was a bit confusing) and generally a little more flippant than other 4w5s I knew.

How does it develop?

I believe the other types in the tritype can develop out of environmental or parental expectations. I have absolutely no factual basis for this hypothesis but in my case there is compelling evidence to suggest that my mother conferred the other two types of my tritype onto me, and I'm starting to hear this from others as well. I am 4-7-8. Mygrandmother is a 7w8 (self preservation) and my grandfather is an 8w9 (social subtype). I have always been a bit distractable, "busy," and had a monkey mind, however I believe the protectiveness of the 8 developed out of having to take care of a lot of things in my home to help my mother. My parents divorced when I was 7 and I was left with my mother who struggled occasionally to keep things afloat. I developed the sense that it was up to me to make sure she was okay, that the house was okay, and a fierce protectiveness over her (and my other friends and loved ones). I'm not entirely convinced that her projection of the original authority onto me didn't imbue me with the 8 that show up in my tritype. As a result I have a tendency today to be quite bossy to people when it comes to taking care of essential things. I yell at or push others when I'm concerned with them. I feel a need to maintain strength around others and show less vulnerability than some other 4s I know and will fiercely protect and defend my close friends/family if somebody is "messing" with them. I have a temper, but it takes me a minute to access it.

To wing, or not to wing?

Some others also question the use of wings when using the tritype and I think that if your type has a wing, then it would behoove one to use wings when doing the tritype. If the enneagram really is trialectic than wings would have to be utilized when doing tritype according to Katherine Fauvre.

For example I believe I am 4w5-7w6-8w9. Some may prefer not to be that specific with their tritype orientations but I believe it adds even more clarity when trying to determine one's own tritype, because each type and wing has a specific coloration. Before I discovered the 8 in my tritype I was sure that my head fix (7) had to be 7w8 because I had such strong identification with 8, however now that I've delved deeper I have more of the double head energy in the mental center (anxiety is very difficult for me, and I can get so stuck considering options that I overwhelm myself) as opposed to the more grounded, impulsive and more audaciously selfish qualities that might come out with the 7w8. Conversely the gut energy has a more languid quality for me, I'm a little slower to anger than an 8w7 might be. I completely loose my mind and act like a complete meat-head and have that double gut quality of not thinking. I like to relax and prefer a slower pace, and am not quite as enterprising as 8w7 might imply.

Final weigh in.

With that said it's not for everyone, but I will frequently refer to it in this blog. Further research is needed but the Fauvre's provide the most cutting edge research of this endeavor and I personally believe that as they develop this line of research it will become integrated into the mainstream enneagram literature. It was hinted at by Ichazo himself but he did not develop it to it's full degree. As people begin to identify how they utilize the energy at each center it will undoubtedly become more clear.

For more information contact Enneagram Explorations as they are the leading researchers with this particular concept and are a great resource.

TV Show: Real Housewives of Orange County

Thought it was time for another Real Housewives post. Yes, I watch a lot of unnecessary reality television. Anyway, I think it's fun to type these outrageous characters. I tend to believe these people are playing dramatized versions of themselves, or maybe I just want to hope they are...

As a general aside I believe the culture of Coto De Caza or O.C. is very much 3ish and 7ish so many of these women have an overlay of 3 or 7 as they have integrated into the culture, and many of them likely have it in the tritype which can somewhat subvert their typings. I think I've gotten a good grasp of these women's core strategies though so I'll try to give an adequate brushstroke of each of the main characters. However, it is interesting to note that I've seen a few Housewives come and go who couldn't seem to integrate into the culture very well (Quinn and Tammy to name a couple), so success on the show seems to rest on how well one can keep up with the 3ish focus on image and appearance and 7 fast paced, bubbly California cultural expectations.


Vicki

Vicki Gunvalson has been on the show since the first season so I've had a chance to really get a feel for her main type strategy. I see her as a 3w4 self preservation subtype/social subtype (she could even be the 3w2, her wings are fairly close). She is success oriented and seems to care first and foremost about making enough money to support her lifestyle and her family and ensure their thriving success. I used to believe she was a 6 because of the anxiety that seems to permeate her energy. I do think it's in the tritype (3-6-1) but maintaining her independence, keeping up with the Jones's  and the maintenance of her "professional business woman" image seem to be of paramount importance to her. She is an assertive type and has a tendency to take the reigns in any interaction (which is why I believe she chooses passive types as close friends and mates). She is perhaps the most independent and assertive of all of the Housewives and is incredibly proud of her hard work, tenacity, and ability to make money. She seems to have a great need for loyalty and camaraderie with her friends and greatly values her family relationships. However, Vicki can't seem to help but get caught up in drama in which she maintains an odd distance while still being judgmental. Her relationship with Jeana was interesting to watch because I think Jeana represented her connection to 9 and so would incite strong feelings against her own line to 9 due to Jeana's tendency toward passivity and complacency. Here's a good illustration of the tension between their two types:



Vicki runs a tight ship at home and seems to be well matched with her more passive husband Don (a 9w1). In the following clip she's a little drunk but she seems to play into the notion of her appropriate, successful, image:



Her anxiety is pretty palpable but I think this isn't uncommon for the self pres type who wants to ensure the security and comfort of herself and family. Vicki works in the insurance industry which is another testament to a strong 6 in the tritype and her self preservation instinct. In season 4 she really pushed her son to branch into the insurance business as I believe she wants her legacy to continue, however she managed to produce two passive but stubborn 9 children that are largely uninterested in pursuing the path of extreme financial success and dedicated hard work that their pushy 3 mother would have them value. I believe this was probably a coping mechanism to deal with her high strung, type A personality, a way to mitigate the amped up energy in the family home. Who better to mitigate the overdrive of a 3 than the gentle, measured energy of a 9 husband and two 9 kids.

Vicki seems to be unable to see her negative traits or rather is uncomfortable with having her flaws addressed on television. Her fairly public marital issues with husband Don seemed to have incited her to attempt to reconcile the marriage and "work harder" at maintaining a healthy relationship. I do get the sense that it's important that people see how hard she's trying to "make it work" with her husband which seems to be just as important as the marriage's success.

Whatever the case Vicki personifies the Type A, 3ish, work obsessed, successful, image conscious California woman. She often speaks about feeling misunderstood but I think this is due to her strong self preservation orientation, and almost compulsive desire to carve her way in the world and maintain her stark independence in a  privileged culture where the women typically take a passive role to earning in the family system. She's pulled herself up from her boostraps and is quite proud of that while I think recognizing the consequences of her workaholism and inability to relax.



Jeana

Jeana Keogh (Housewives veteran) left the show at the beginning of season 5, but has always seemed like a great example of a sexual 9w8 to me. She's sort of the embodiment of the guarded yet sensual and merging sexual 9 who wants to maintain union with her environment. It never seemed quite right that Jeana was on the Housewives to me because the flagrant materialism never quite fit with her energy (despite her efforts to pull off the image). Indeed, I think she enjoys money, big houses, and expensive clothing but the image conscious, superfluous aspects of the Coto De Caza lifestyle never quite fit her laid back, relatively unpretentious gut type energy.

I feel as though she developed a harder and more catty outer shell to deal with the drama leaden antics of her OC housewife "friends." Jeana's estrangement from her husband was always interesting because she could never manage to cut ties completely desipte his somewhat abusive and cold presence in the home. She is not a very good disciplinarian and it always seemed preferable for her to ensure her families togetherness more than their discipline or ambition. She did seem to slightly parentify her youngest child Colton (a 6 or 9) as he feels protective over his passive and subtly sensitive mother.

Here's her interacting with her assertive and opinionated daughter Kara (possibly a 3w4 or 1w2), you can see her unwillingness to engage in the conflict:




With 9 one can get a strange mixture of image consciousness and desire to meet the status quo with a subsequent desire to just be particularly when they are in a society or culture that values such ideals in order to maintain successful cultural integration (this is usually exacerbated with a social first or second instinctual orientation). The 9 doesn't want to fall too far outside of the cultural fabric lest they garner too much attention and invite too much conflict into their lives. Jeana was incredibly passive aggressive and instances of it can be seen throughout almost every episode since the show began. I believe this was her 9ish way of dealing with the anger and aggression she felt at her own percieved ineffectual nature and the pressure to meet the materialistic standard of life in the O.C. culture.

Jeana seems to alternate between passive aggression and withdrawal as can be seen in her interactions with the other women on the show. Her relationship with Vicki was strained at best, as Vicki grew annoyed with what she saw as Jeana's passive aggression and laziness regarding  various business ventures the two had undertaken. Jeana always maintained a bit of distance from most of the cast, sort of floating in and out of the drama peripherally occasionally calling anyone out but always managing to avoid too much of a fight herself. She could even have a dominant social variant due to this tendency to stalk the periphery of the social interactions the way many social 9s can, but I think her sensual and sexual energy points more to sexual first.

I get the sense that the show in conjunction with her marital situation and her loneliness really contributed to her depression and disconnection, and I personally believe her split from the show will be good for her to return to a sense of groundedness and connection with the world. In the following clip she reflects on her split from the show. If you read the subtext of her comments about her husband you can see the characteristic devoted/masochistic quality of the long suffering 9 who realized at some point that they have lost themselves in the fold while trying to merge with others.





Tamra

Tamra is the resident "mean girl" of the show and seemed to take on that roll more fully when Gretchen entered joined the cast. I believe Tamra is a 2w3 either social or sexual subtype. She embodies the stereotype of the gossiping, flirtatious, outrageous yet devoted and relationally centered 2. She can't help but find herself in the middle of all of the drama, often ensuing much of it herself. She harbors a deep and thinly veiled jealousy vendetta toward Gretchen. I think it's because she is aware of her own aging and sees Gretchen as a threat as she is likely the mirror of her younger former self. Tamra's marriage to 1w9 Simon has been suffering as she experiences the all too familiar pang of restriction from her controlling and rigid husband. There is a tendency with 2 to want the love and connection and then feel restricted and limited by the commitment. 2s need to feel a certain sense of freedom in relationship lest they begin to feel controlled and trapped. You can get a sort of princess in the tower syndrome that can feel a bit like the push/pull of the 4. It can also look a lot like 7 in many respects, but there is less of an impulse to cut and run and more of an impulse to either increase efforts toward martyrdom and dramatic manipulation or to induce jealousy in the partner to regain control of the relationship dynamic and amp up the drama in order to know they are still desired.

I think Tamra probably has 6 in the tritype which exacerbates her reactivity and affiliative impulse as well as 1 in the gut center which ramps her judgmental nature (although it could be 8 as she seems to be unafraid to butt heads if necessary and has a tendency toward bluntness and directness.)

Tamra and her oldest son Ryan (a 7w6 or 6w7) seem to have had a close relationship that was somewhat thwarted by her marriage to Simon who sees Ryan as irresponsible, disrespectful, and frivolous (which is a good example of the 1 demonizing his own line to 7). Nonetheless, this rift in the relationship is difficult for Tamra to manage as she feels the impulse to maintain the passion and sanctity of her relationship through being a "good" wife, but feels the maternal pull to protect her child who was there before Simon entered the picture.

Her relationship to the other housewives is interesting as well, as she seems to have trouble not occupying the gossip role. It is that impulse in 2 that feels the need to be the one with the important information as it increases social power and manipulation power (which points more to social subtype). She feels like this is her role to play, the one who knows and spreads information. I believe this is how she maintains an identity. The gossip impulse is exacerbated by the fact that she's received attention for her gossiping and "mean girl" persona and as an image type feels compelled to live up to the label. It just so happens that Gretchen provided a great opportunity for her to express her aggression and rage (line to 8) in a way that was entertaining for viewers. I think her indictment of Gretchen's sluttiness and inappropriateness is really her indictment of her own behavior. I can imagine Tamra wasn't too far off from that in her younger years, but if she is the social subtype there is a tendency to reign in the seduction a bit more, and cloak it a bit (not to mention the fact that Tamra had children quite young). However, despite her efforts to be malicious and catty she has started to show signs of wanting to get back in positive relationship to Gretchen as the 2 typically doesn't like to maintain an adversarial role to those in their environment for too long (as they are superego compliant and will start to feel like "bad people" for being so mean).

She also has the 2ish relationship with her estranged father, in which she is so desirous of his connection and attention and this seems to have created the need to recreate the father figure in her life in order to feel that connection she feels she lost (hence her relationship with fatherly, occasionally punitive husband Simon). There is a tendency within 2 to play the mother to the father (even if the mother is in the home) because of a desire to play the maternal role in the family system. Here she is talking about her relationship with her father:



Here's a great clip of the tension between Tamra and Gretchen. You can see the witch hunt quality to Tamra's indictment and the compulsive need to show Gretchen's "lying" and inappropriate relationships you can also see Jeana and Lynn's mediating impulse and Jeana's very telling comment "as long as it doesn't involve me I'm happy":





Gretchen

Gretchen Rossi joined the cast in the 4th season and was a lively and vivacious addition to the show. She is flirty, fun, seductive, and light hearted and seems at first like she could be a 7. However, I think Gretchen is a 2w3 sexual subtype. I think she's first and foremost focused on finding love and her flirtation has more of the 2ish sense of wanting to give the image of flirtation without the assertive promise of follow through of a 7, it's more of "look how sexy I am, do you love me yet?" When we are introduced to Gretchen in the 4th season she is engaged to Jeff, her older, ailing fiance. Her relationship seemed genuine to me and seemed to be a good representation of the tendency of 2s to find love and latch on regardless of extenuating circumstances. She also took on the caretaking role in the relationship as his cancer rendered him in need of assistance and a maternal influence.

She seems to have integrated herself quite well into Jeff's family (as he had teenage children from a previous marriage) and quickly and willingly took a a mothering role to his children as well. Her maternal energy also points more to 2 rather than 7, as that kind of commitment for a 7 might be a bit confining. I get the sense that she feels filled up by taking care of others. Indeed, she wants to flirt, have fun, and be seen as, as she puts it; "fun, flirty Gretchen" but as she's said in passing on the show this is not the "real" her, it's a role she plays because it seems to get her everything she wants. I do think she has 7 in the tritype as well as 9 (conflict avoidant, easy going, and light-hearted)

Gretchen is likely the sexual 2 as she seems largely uninterested in developing a deep connection with the other women of the cast. Her relationship with Tamra was strained at the beginning and Gretchen likely felt blindsided by Tamra's jealous indictments and accusations about her relationship with Jeff. Whatever the case, Gretchen tried to take what some might call the high road, but really she was  acting true to form to the sexual subtype who will be reluctant to involve themselves with excessive interpersonal drama. Her focus remained primarily on her relationship.

Jeff died and Gretchen quickly moved on to former O.C. house-husband Slade, and seems to have fallen in love quickly and deeply. Her love of love, and need for love personifies the sexual 2s desire to be in connection and more importantly in relationship with another person. She fosters flirtatiousness and a vivacious fun attitude for no other reason but to garner attention from men so that she can ensure that she is never alone for too long. She seems to merge well with her partners, playing the role of the good, pampered wife when with Jeff (as he had more financial freedom and independence) and now adapting to the financial restriction, Boho chic dynamic of her relationship with Slade (who incidentally is likely another 2w3). In fact, I believe the double 2 relationship is what makes her relationship with Slade work on so many levels as they both are seeking romantic relationship above all else, the desire to maintain union and avoid loneliness at all costs.

Her introduction video shows her personality well, without all of the amped up flirtatiousness. Although I always chuckle at all the flirty, girly 2's who talk about being "tom boys" as kids but always manage to grow up to be these hyper-feminine women, to me it's a testament to 2 (and particularly sexual 2) to be able to wear both hats well, it's another manifestation of I can be whoever you want me to be as long as you'll love me....seduction at its best:



Here's her and Slade together, you can see their personality similarities, the cutesy quality of the 2 and the need to show us how together, in love, and connected they are:





Lynne

Lynne Curtain is another new addition to the Housewives cast from season 4. I think Lynne is a lighthearted add to the cast and seems to inject a bit of spacey whimsy to the predominately image focus energy of the show. I see Lynne as a 9w1 sexual or self preservation subtype. She seems to be fairly ungrounded and has a very floaty almost ditsy quality about her that the other girls love to tease her about. She has a strong connection to 3 and likely has it in the tritype contributing to a fair amount of image consciousness that seems to increase as her time on the show wears on (she's adapting well to the culture of the O.C. lifestyle). She also has the tendency of the 9w1 toward exercise obsession and a hyper-focus on her weight and diet. She is an avid fitness buff and seems to have a fear of aging (I have seen this before with other 9w1 or 1w9s, typically when self preservation is first or secondary focus). I get the sense that Lynne is primarily interested in maintaining the her personal peace and harmony  even at the expense of letting her somewhat difficult hormone crazed daughters rule household. She is a poor disciplinarian (much like Jeana, another 9) and seems to have difficulty putting restrictions on her children or following through with punishment. There is little conviction in her restrictions but I can see the effect of her absent nature on her youngest daughter who feels a bit unseen by her mother (a not-uncommon effect of having a 9 parent according to Enneagram researcher Katherine Fauvre).

She is blissfully free from engagement in a lot of drama and prefers to take the mediating role in conflict if it arises. She will try and be moderate and see things from all points of view (as with the feud between Tamra and Gretchen) but will ultimately only involve herself to a limited degree before retreating. Lynne is very sensitive and the comments about her intellect and intelligence were often difficult for her to manage, as she probably feels like she has few inner reserves to deal with attacks like that. However, she seems to be able to disengage from her experiences fairly easily, floating off into some dream world where she is relatively untouched by the concerns of everyone else. She is subtly competitive (something you can see with Jeana as well) which is a testament to her connection to 3 and wants to be just as, if not more, attractive than the other ladies, however it's more important to maintain her union with the environment than express open competitiveness. This is in stark contrast to Vicki's openly competitive and domineering nature and the tension between 9 and 3 is shown well in Lynne and Vicki's relationship, as Vicki sees Lynne as ineffectual, ungrounded, and unintelligent. In this clip you can see Jeana (who seems to maintain more of her groundedness and practicality via her 8 wing) takes a jab at Lynne referring to a moment of ditsyness as a "Lynne moment." Lynne's sensitivity is shown despite trying to initially brush it off:





You can see the ungrounded yet happy go lucky quality of Lynne in this clip as she describes herself, which incidentally has little content and has the 9ish quality of having no real point or bottom line. However in the first clip you see her point to the tendency of the 9 to put themselves on the back burner and reveling in her opportunity for it to be "all about her" as she joins the cast of the Housewives:












Alexis

 

Alexis Bellino is the newest housewife this season and I might need a little more information to type her with more certainty. However, right now she's reading like a sexual 3w2 to me. She seems to be very image conscious and plays the role of good, sexy mother pretty well (which is a common role for the sx 3w2). I think she genuinely cares most about her connection with her husband (who seems like an 8w9 to me). She wants to please him, look good for him, and ensure that she is projecting the right kind of image for her family. She doesn't seem too bothered with her husband's desire for her to default to him and be a dutiful, pure wife. There's a strange sort of paradox in her image in that she boasts being quite religious and pious while still wearing short, low cut dresses, tanning, and indulging in the occasional plastic surgery (breast augmentation) that would indicate a more of a focus on sex appeal and aesthetic than her description of herself as a religious, humble woman would suggest. She has yet to be involved in any major drama and I get the sense that this particular dynamic of the OC cast will be avoided by her if at all possible. She seems assertive but only in areas that incite her attention. She is competitive with her beauty and has that sort of untouchable Barbie Doll feel to her that many sexual 3s project. She's subdued and well composed and projects the seriousness and intensity of her sexual instinct:



I don't think she's a 2 despite her devotion to her husband and marriage because her heart energy seems to be entirely directed at playing the part of devoted wife, by that I mean that she seems to feel the need to tell us how good of a wife and mother she is rather than showing us (something typical of 3s). 2s (like Gretchen or Tamra) don't overstate their caretaking roles, it is implicit in their interactions. There's a clinginess to their energy that is more flagrant that Alexis doesn't seem to have (or at least not visible on camera). Alexis is guarded and seems to be more cognizant and successful at projecting a particular image, whereas Gretchen and Tamra can't help but let their identities show in a less polished manner, showing us the chutzpah characteristic of some 2s.

Alexis runs her home a bit like a business in which she is the CEO (well, next to her husband), not unlike her 3 counterpart Vicki. She states; "I don't know that Jim would want me doing any other career... So, my goal in life is just to be the best mom and wife I can be."






Final Weigh In:

Vicki: 3w4 self-pres/social (3-6-1 tritype)
Jeana: 9w8 sexual/social (9-3-7 tritype)
Tamra: 2w3 social/sexual (2-6-1 tritype)
Gretchen: 2w3 sexual/social (2-7-9 tritype)
Lynne: 9w1 sexual/self-pres or sp/sx (9-3-6 tritype)
Alexis 3w2 sexual/self-pres (3-7-1 tritype)

Celebrity Typing: P!nk

“Today, charting your own course isn't just more necessary than ever before, ... it's also much easier -- and much more fun.”-Pink

Pink is one of my favorite artists and thought a blog dedicated to her 8ness would be enjoyable and particularly illustrative of the 8w7.

Of the 8w7 Thomas Condon says: "Awakened Eights with a 7 wing are often expansive and powerful. Gregarious and generous. They may display a cheerful bravado. Can be forceful but with a light touch. Funny. Often have a good sense of humor about themselves. Generally more extroverted, ambitious and materialistic. May talk loud and be sociable party goers...Sometimes driven to bring the new into being. Can be visionary, idealistic, enterprising. Willing to take risks...When entranced aggression combines with gluttony to form an almost virulent tendency to addiction. Many entranced 8w7 have problems with drug and alcohol problems or tensions around addictions...can be moody, egocentric and quick to anger."-Thomas Condon, The Enneagram Movie and Video Guide


Of the Sexual 8 Susan Rhodes says "They tend to be larger than life characters who believe in the values of a bygone era. Values such as honor, courage, integrity and justice. They expect others to live by such values, too...SX 8s are extraordinarily intense and need good outlets for that intensity-usually physical outlets, since they're gut types. They're well aware of the power of their energy and take it seriously, because they see what happens when it gets out of control. Sexually they seek intense, over the top experiences that take them right to the edge. They like to take on a dominant role and often seek their opposite: someone willing to take on a submissive role. On a deeper level, though, SX 8s actually long for submission..."-Susan Rhodes, The Positive Enneagram

Pink has a rough and raw energy that speaks to the power of the 8. She is creative, visionary, and reactive and she takes this energy and channels it wholeheartedly into her musical expression. She has a visceral energy about her (not unlike most gut types), that reads to me intuitively like a boulder wrapped in fire. The sexual subtype is smeared across her eyes in which her gaze is glued, intense, laser like, and intimidating. Many 8s exhibit these "laser" or "dart" eyes that scan whomever they are talking to for weakness and vulnerability. Often this happens without the 8 even being cognizant of their probing nature. It is this scanning for weakness that contributes to others being intimidated by the 8 even when this is not the intention.

Her body language is relaxed and rarely is she nervous when interviewing or performing. She's spoken of the incredibly amount of adrenaline she gets from performing, and the dangerous aspects of her performances are what contribute to the "rush" she feels. Pink was admittedly addicted to various drugs in her youth and in some respects her physically demanding shows are a replacement for the artificial high from drug use. The video and song for Sober illustrate this tendency quite well:


In the song she speaks to her addictive demons and expresses knowledge and awareness of her excessive tendencies:

Sober

I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
I won't remember, save your breath, 'cos what's the use?

Ah, the night is calling.
And it whispers to me softly come and play
Ah, I am falling
And If I let myself go I'm the only one to blame

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
How do I feel this good sober?

One can also see the influence of the 7 wing, and the effect that has on her hedonistic, excessive qualities.


Of course no discussion of an 8 would be complete without speaking to the characteristic "toughness" that they typically exhibit. Pink is no exception. Perhaps it seems more evident because of the juxtaposition of her gender and the societal pressure to conform to more feminine standards of appropriate behavior. Nonetheless, Pink feels as though she has no problem backing up her claims of toughness with swift and powerful action. I think that her toughness is a source of pride and one of the reasons she sings about it with such gusto. For her, the ego identification lies in knowing she can protect herself and others should this be necessary. She sees herself as a survivor and willing to overcome any obstacles necessary in order to avoid being controlled or dominated in any way. The public got its first glimpse of the defiant and subversive Pink on her second album, which, according to her was the first time we got to see who she really is:



"I was always in a fight, cause I can't do nothing right." This line is pretty indicative of how her rebelliousness and unwillingness to take direction often found her in opposition to authority. She had a rocky relationship with her parents as an adolescent, which is not uncommon for teenagers in general, but seems to be amplified with a rebellious 8 (or sometimes 7 or counterphobic 6 kid).  However, in keeping with her value of truth and honesty we see the awareness of her own ego limitations and the willingness to take risk despite consequences from the outside world. Katherine Fauvre states that one of the tantamount points of 8 is the willingness to act on one's own accord without care for the consequences of the actions, it's sort of a "fuck you, I'm going to do it anyway" attitude that screams in the face of authority and says "I'm the boss, not you!"

Another song that showcases her feelings of being a survivor and her belief that she is sort of constantly pushing against the grain. Many 8s see life as an uphill battle and perceive opposition and control where there may be non. With counterphobic 6 in the tritype the fear of being controlled or taken advantage of is amplified:

18 Wheeler

Hey, hey, man! What's your problem?
I see you tryin' to hurt me bad
Don't know what you're up against
Maybe you should reconsider
Come up with another plan
Cuz you know I'm not that kinda girl
That'll lay there and let you come first

You can push me out the window
I'll just get back up
You can run over me with your 18 wheeler truck
And I won't give a fuck
You can hang me like a slave
I'll go underground
You can run over me with your 18 wheeler but
You can't keep me down, down, down, down 

Here she speaks again of her unwillingness to just "lay there and let you come first", which speaks to the desire of the 8 to make sure that they are satisfied at all costs (lust). This is certainly excerbated again by the 7 wing (gluttony).

In her more light heartened pop songs we see Pink poking fun at her own over the top personality. Another marker of the healthy to high functioning average 8 is the willingness to poke fun at their own aggressive and dominant tendencies:

Cuz I Can

P I N K
P I M P
I'm back again
I know you all missed me
I'm so so sick
Can't handle it
Yeah I talk shit
Just deal with it

My rims are 23 inch
And they're black on black
No they're not his
Diamonds all over my teefs
You can try and try you can't beat me

So I'll cash my cheques and place my bets
And hope I'll always win
Even if I don't I'm fucked because
I live a life of sin
But it's alright
I don't give a damn
I don't play your rules I make my own
Tonight
I'll do what I want
Cuz I can

 
Again the explicit recogintion of her hedonism (7 wing) "I live a life of sin", the desire to overcome over the war that is life, "I'll cash my checks and place my bets, and hope I'll always win", and the defiance and unwillingness to be controlled by others' rules; "I don't play your rules I make my own, tonight, I'll do what I want, cause I can."

The analogy of life being a war often comes up with 8s, in which they literally see the world as a battlefield in which one must protect themselves and one's fellow soldiers in order to survive. The war anaology shows up in a couple of Pink's songs but most explicitly in My Vietnam. In this particular song we also see the tendency for the gut type (8,9,1) to not know how to adjust themselves to the demands of the parents/world at large. Each of the gut types deals with this differently, 8s by refusing to mitigate the fiery energy of the gut center, 9s by repressing the energy, and 1s by controlling the angry energy of the gut center. Life becomes Guerrilla warfare in which only the savvy, bold, and tough survive, however in the last stanza we see her awareness that she is not what people expected her to be, and the pain this causes:

My Vietnam

This is my Vietnam
I'm at war
Life keeps on dropping bombs
And I keep score
...
She said I wasn't good enough, but I guess I
wasn't trying
Never like school that much, they tried to teach
me better
But I just wasn't hearing it because I thought I
was already pretty clever
...

What do you expect from me?
What am I not giving you?
What could I do for you to make me OK in your
eyes?

I get the impression that Pink finds it exceedingly difficult and unacceptable to mitigate her own energy because the force of her own bravado and intensity is not likely to be squelched, however since she found music it seems that this became the main channel in which she channels the anger and aggression that boils inside of her. Pink's adolescence was about as rebellious as one can get and she exhibited a fearlessness and recklessness at a young age that was terrifying for parents who didn't know how to handle a young, aggressive 8 child.



The ballsy outspoken nature of Pink can be seen in this "Choose or Loose" interview in which she speaks to her own belief in her own convictions (often thinking those who disagree are wrong, another common and amusing feature of 8), and her fearlessness at expressing what she believes:






Pink, like most reactive types (4,6,8) value truth above the cloaking of emotional or threatening content. As she speaks about each song on her latest album Funhouse there is frequent mention of the values of truth, honesty, and a great emphasis on the beauty of emotional honesty and expression. This sort of artistic sensibility often accompanies the sexual 8 whom I like to conceptualize as the "Boxer Poet" archetype (as suggested by Tom Condon). One can see the intensity and desire for creative catharsis of the sexual subtype mingling with the strength and veracity of the 8 to support a creative process that has a rawness and visceral quality that captures a very "real" moment in time. Pink has 4 in the tritype which contributes to the confessional style of her music (as the sexual 4 is the confessional subtype), and amplifies the desire for emotional truth and honesty as displayed through art:





 Her adventurous 7 wing is displayed throughout the above interview as she mentions her desire to be kept in the dark about the future as well as her mention of the energetic aspects of the creative process. I often see the idiosyncratic style (talking about energy, vibing, etc) with 8w7 as opposed to the 9 wing as the visionary, inventive nature of the 7 wing adds a slightly mystical bent to the usually very grounded and practical 8. She speaks of the frequent writing of songs spontaneously and often in the company of the very person she is writing about, (husband Carey Hart-either a 6w7 or 9w8). Exposing the rawness of their relationship to the public and close friends by writing revealing songs personifies the confessional nature of the sexual subtype and the need for truth and realness of the 8.

Here again she speaks to her impulsive song writing style. As a side note, I am particularly struck by the sardonic look on her face throughout most of her interviews, there is an implied threat even when she is seemingly quite cheerful (a state she admittedly inhabits frequently, due to the influence of a strong 7 wing) one still gets the sense of strong, impenetrable, invisible boundaries:





Her primary inspiration comes from personal angst and relationship turmoil (not uncommon for many artists). However, in some respects she needs this tension in order to create (another testament to 4 being in the tritype). In fact, it is the tension of her most vulnerable life area (the sexual arena) that allows her to channel her vulnerability into creative expression. We all experience the most pain in our primary instinctual arena, and it is there that we find the inspiration for creation.  Nonetheless, though she speaks about her vulnerability and sensitivity after the fact, and we are very rarely allowed access to the softer Pink in interviews. We can however see it in her lyrics and videos.

The vulnerability of the 8 is kept well hidden as this is what is to be protected at all costs. I especially appreciate Condon's analogy that states that the 8 takes their own vulnerabilities, places them in other people, and protects it there. I think this is incredibly appropriate and accurate for the way in which most 8s explore their softness. However, the sexual 8 can show a bit more softness and vulnerability than the other 8 subtypes, thus contributing to the sort of boxer/poet archetype mentioned earlier:

Whether it's the pain of her parents separation and tumultuous relationship:

Family Portrait

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave

The vulnerability and sadness she feels while alone, and a recognition of her own schema that life is a battle to be won and the toll that position can take on one's emotional state:

Nobody Knows

Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry
If I could pretend that I'm asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows no

...

It's win or lose not how you play the game
And the road to darkness has a way
Of always knowing my name
But I think nobody knows
No no

Or the vulnerability and confession of her fears of abandonment, rejection, and loss of romantic love:

 I Don't Believe You

No I don't believe you
When you say don't come around here no more
I won't remind you
You said we wouldn't be apart
No, I don't believe you
When you say you don't need me anymore
So don't pretend
To not love me at all

In all three videos we not only have soft, poetic and vulnerable lyrical content but we also see a softer Pink; her vulnerability and grief are expressed visually through the softening of her surroundings and a smoothing of her typically sharp, hard-edged Pop-punk style. Whether it's the expression of the scared and hurt inner child as in Family Portrait, the burden of being everyone else's pillar of strength as in Nobody Knows, or the woman who just wants to be reassured of her value to the beloved in I Don't Believe You, Pink shows her vulnerability to us through her artistic expression.

However, it is not always sad and serious. The ability of the 8 and particularly the 8w7 to play with their own "psychosis" (to use Pink's terminology) points to the playful energy of the 7 mingling with the strength of the 8. We see the expression of vulnerability in a much more playful albeit macabre way in Please Don't Leave Me:

Please Don't Leave Me

I don't know if I can yell any louder,
How many times have I kicked you out of here?
Or said something insulting?
...
I can be so mean when I wanna be,
I am capable of really anything,
I can cut you into pieces,
When my heart is, broken.
 ...

How did I become so obnoxious,
What is it with you that makes me act like this,
I've never been this nasty,
Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest,
But baby I don't mean it,
I mean it, I promise

The juxtaposition of the vulnerability of the lyrics and the playfulness of the video likely helped to ease her uncomfortability with expressing her insecurities about her relationship to the world. It also shows the strength and forcefulness of the sexual 8 in relationship mingling with the push pull tendencies of 6 and 4 in the tritype. The result is a tumultuous and rocky relationship.

In many of the interviews you can see a sort of go to hell silliness that feels as though at any moment her bantering and witty playfulness could erupt into rage. In the following interview with Jimmy Kimmel I was struck by how comfortable she felt, the expansiveness of her energy as well as the visceral sensualness of her body language which reeks of sexual 8, it is as though at times she just wants to allow herself to love everyone in the room but catches herself and jumps back into a defended body armor that keeps people slightly away. I once saw a sexual 8w7 at a Condon panel discussion at an Enneagram Conference who exhibited this same body language and expressed the desire to "have sex with" everyone in the room and a subsequent fear of letting anyone get too close lest they take advantage of her, and push her out of that loving feeling.



I also find it curious that her favorite nickname given to her by her friends is "fat mama", which to me points to her awareness and desire to be a protective figure for those in her life. I get the sense that she protects her friends and family fiercely and requires undying loyalty in return (exacerbated by counterphobic 6 in the tritype). In the following clip she talks about her childhood admiration of singer/songwriter Linda Perry and the anger she felt when she thought Perry had betrayed her through working with artist she didn't like (namely Christina Aguilera. This is not uncommon for the sexual 8 (or 8 in general) who needs complete confidence and loyalty from intimates. Pink even states that her relationship and professional split with Perry parallels the feelings of being slighted by a lover; "I took it really personally when she started working with other artists, particularly artists I didn't like."
The following clip also helps paint a more complete picture of the Pink the artist and the expression of her art through the forceful energy of the 8.



In this clip she speaks to her boldness and brashness as it related to her adolescene and early music career:

"I remember when we got into Tommy Matola (president of Sony) office and we were singing and he was like fiddling around on his desk and he wasn't even paying attention and I just stopped the music in the middle of our first song and I said 'can you  at least act like you're paying attention and not look out the fucking window while we're singing, cause I didn't smoke today.' I'm like 15 cursing out Tommy Matola, that didn't go over well" 


 Even the gritty and soulful sound of her voice seems to speak to her personality structure. Pink's voice has the rawness of Janice Joplin (someone with whom she identifies with), and the soulfulness of an R&B singer mixed with the sharp, pointy edges of a punk rocker (a la Debbie Harry or Chrissie Hynde).

This clip really shows the rawness of her vocal styling, the song Unwind was written about Joplin, in which she states she channeled the troubled, rogue artist:



And this video because I just love the song and performance:

 The One That Got Away

I'm not a victim of clichés
I don't believe in soul mates
Happy endings only one
Oh and I met you and all that changed
I had a taste and you're still sitting on the tip of my tongue

I think you all get my point. I could go on and on. All in all I think Pink is a great representation of the sexual 8w7. I believe she has 4 and 7, so she is compelled to be outspoken, creative, and out of the box original.

Final Weigh In:

Pink: 8w7 Sexual subtype
8-7-4 Tritype: