Deeper Into Type Two (Part II)
This is part of our continuing series that delves deeper into the Enneagram Types.
Core Fears of the Two:
Fear of being worthless, being needy, unhelpful, unacknowledged, immutable, and inconsequential.
The
preceding core fears have been identified by many Enneagram researchers
through the years and were explored more deeply by Katherine Fauvre during her
groundbreaking research on the Enneagram in 1995 and 1996.
Twos
fear being worthless because it would undermine the core ego belief
that they deserve love and are loving people. Thus being worthless
typically crops up when the Two is not able to be helpful.
Moreover the
Twos fear of being worthless and unhelpful are often symbiotically tied
to one another.
To not be acknowledged is the ultimate slap in
the face to the Two, who hopes that people recognize the depth of their
assistance to those around them.
However, Twos with a One wing will be
less vocal about the need for acknowledgement than the Two with a Three
wing who may make more of a show of their helpful nature.
The fear
of immutability ties back in with the Two's position as an image type
and so to be unchanging, or seen as unchanging or immutable would
suggest that the Two is not flexible to the needs of others and thus
only concerned with the self.
The irony of Twos fear of being
needy is that many people may perceive the Two as needy as they may pick
up on the tendency of the Two to expect people to cater to their
emotional or physical whims. The extent to which the Two expects this
however is the extent to which they feel they have provided for others
selflessly.
The core trigger for the Two is to feel underappreciated which will likely bring about a bevy of internal messages about their personal worth.
Healthy Expression:
When
Twos are healthy they exhibit the essence of benevolence and altruism.
The Two recognizes the inherent joy in giving and can find themselves as
confident servants to those in need.
Healthy Twos understand when to
interject their help and when it is best to let someone figure things
out on their own. Very healthy Twos are both intuitive about others
needs and plugged into their own emotional and physical desires.
This
allows them to respond to situations out of a desire to be of
assistance rather than a superego message that drives them to help in
order to maintain a particular self-image.
Twos are able to fill up
their own proverbial love cups and thus are no longer dependent upon
outside praise to feel worthy or appreciated. Supported by their own
sense of innate worth Twos understand their archetypal role as helpers
without becoming a slave to the needs of their ego.
If the Two wants something in the healthy ranges they have learned how
to express their needs directly rather than allowing physical somatizing
or emotional outbursts to speak for their perceived unmet needs.
In short the healthy Two understands that unless they care for themselves body, mind and spirit first and foremost they are infusing all of the deeds they do for others with expectations, cords and fine print and thus undermining their own psychological health.
Twos
often posses a variety of gifts related to their ability to empathize
with others, and because of their ability to read others emotionally
they can be excellent counselors or supporters when others are in need
of a nurturing spirit to weather a particular storm.
A desire to help
others realize the abundance of their own lives makes healthy Twos
strive to help others to find the place in themselves where they can
help someone else in need in order to find a sense of balance and
authentic joy.
If the ego needs of Twos go unmet for too long and
the Two begins to identify with the ego needs as self, then they
eventually spiral into compulsive helping or rescuing behaviors that
serve to satiate their growing desire to be needed.
As Twos begin
to feel more and more worthless they may become internally
self-aggrandizing; exaggerating their importance in the lives of others
while simultaneously feeling entitled to special treatment due to their
helpful nature.
When the Two can no longer shoulder the weight of their
ego concerns they may devolve into hysterical outbursts or histrionic
dramas in order to garner attention.
Very unhealthy Twos may have
neglected their spiritual, physical and emotional needs for so long
that they develop mental or physical illnesses that force others to care
for them.
Hypochondrias (believing oneself to be ill when one is
healthy), malingering (falsifying illness or symptoms in order to garner
attention) or periods of compulsive or manic doing and periods of
depression may become methods the Two utilizes in order to get the
attention they crave.
Identifying Twos:
*Much
of what is said in this section is intended to illustrate stereotypes
but also to break current stereotypes about 2s in order to show more
common expressions and to illustrate those individuals who break the
mold of predominant Enneagram literature exemplars.
Identifying Twos can be quite easy once you recognize the language usage and emotional expression of most Twos.
Because
Twos belong to the positive outlook triad (279) they often display an
optimistic vernacular. Twos will thus shy away from things that are too
“negative” in their estimation, even when they seem to be complaining.
However, some Twos can have a Spartan like streak to their personalities
(particularly if they have 8 in the Tritype or are the self
preservation instinct). At this point the Two may seem quite strident or
even militant in their expression.
Because
Twos are positive outlook types one might assume that they only express
positive emotion. However, this is not entirely true. Twos express just
as many negative emotions and thoughts as the other types, however Twos
do not identify their own emotional content and often don’t recognize
negative expression in themselves but may be hypersensitive to it in
others.
Stressed Twos may spend a good deal of conversational
time complaining about physical ailments or obligations to others, or
may become critical, moralizing or pushy about others’ affairs.
When
Twos begin to display this kind of behavior it is best to establish
boundaries that allow them to authentically express their feelings
without intruding upon your personal limits.
Demonstrating healthy
boundaries to a stressed Two may at first insight them to anger or
increased efforts to control and impose but will eventually establish a
healthy dynamic that will be beneficial to the relationship.
Almost
all Twos delight in the energy of giving a compliment. Of course,
depending upon the ego development of the Two there may be ulterior
motives for the compliment but most Twos understand the value of a well
placed observation and word of encouragement in lifting the spirits of
others.
Twos are often gregarious and enjoy learning about other
people and may sometimes be a bit uncomfortable when the conversation
turns to them. Twos excel at exploring other people’s lives and have a
knack for helping someone to feel welcome or valuable.
Twos can
become quite militant in their approach to daily activities and may
often run their household like a well-oiled machine (depending upon
other factors in their personality profile).
Twos with a One wing can
exhibit this most strongly as they are adept at managing the lives and
environment of their families due to their ability to intuit what is
needed in a given situation.
The ability to manage others can
denigrate into a brusque bossiness or a pushy entitlement that forgets
about personal boundaries and privacy due to their desire to be involved
in every aspect of a loved ones life.
Whatever the case, Twos enjoy
discussing the nature of your relationship with them and appreciate
praise, acknowledgement and recognition of their contribution.
Twos
with a One Wing will be more perfectionistic, reserved, moral and
uptight. They may be less effusive and more stoic in presentation and
take greater pride in not expressing their needs to others.
Twos
with a Three Wing will be more goal oriented, image conscious, dramatic
or narcissistic.
They may be more focused on success and image
management so may seem more outgoing and visible than the Two with a One
Wing.
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